I once came across a quote that went like this – “The three most powerful lessons in the world are empty pockets, hungry stomachs and broken hearts”, and I had myself nodding my head in agreement to this because it felt so apt.
An average person goes through at least two of the above lessons in their lifetime, heartbreaks and empty pockets being the more common ones. And in this post let’s brush upon the more emotional of the life lessons – Heart Breaks.
Heartbreaks are quintessentially dismissed and sidelined as to be trivial occurrences in our lives. Of course they are not serious enough to make you want to give up on life forever, but they’re not trivial either. Heartbreaks are emotional learning curves and they’re hard to deal with.
At various stages of our life, various people come and become part of us. We make memories with them. We love them, we are loved by them. We connect and bond with them. We feel happy to belong with someone, belong somewhere.
But certain circumstances make us part ways with people, and this leaves us very hurt, confused, and we are often left longing to have them back in our lives.
It can be very hard. I have been there, and at that moment the only thing that would’ve made me feel better is having that person back in my life. But life had different things planned for us and years later it has all made sense and we are now where we belong, and happier than ever.
Healing is a delicately tricky thing. It might take some people just a few days, some months, and some may take years to get over someone they’ve had to let go. The time taken may also vary according to the intensity of the relationship you were in. A casual relationship of 3 years may take someone only a few weeks to get over with. But a serious fling of 2 months may take someone 6 months or more. We all are different and we all may take different amounts of time to get over someone we have broken up with.
But do remember that one day in the future, sooner or later, you will be alright. This is a given. The present may be extremely harsh. I won’t deny it. But keep hope alive for a better future to come.
Healing is supposed to be dealt with – one day at a time, one step at a time. And while you’re in the path of healing from the grief of having to let go of someone you loved immensely, I hope the below steps help you in your journey –
Tips to fasten the healing
- Look beyond the breakup – a) If you are someone who’s been broken up with, it’s very clear that you may be hurting and extremely vulnerable at this point. You felt deeply for somebody, but the feeling wasn’t mutual and that person decided to break things off with you. Please do know this that if one person is not happy in a relationship and is not able to commit to his / her partner completely and decides to leave, it is probably for the best, because you do not want to be with someone who doesn’t want to love you, or with someone who is forced to love you. How happy would you be even if they actually stayed by force? Would you be? Temporarily yes, perhaps! But it would be very emotionally draining to be in a relationship where you feel unwanted. You deserve to be loved completely and you shouldn’t settle for anything less. b) On the other hand , if you decided to end things with someone , but you are still hurting because you did love the person deeply, then you must constantly remind yourself of why you ended things in the first place. You may hurt now, but look beyond the breakup and you should be able to get some clarity.
- Concentrate on the Bad Aspects – Now, this may be a slightly controversial tip, But it does help with the pain. In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it is important that you deliberately shift your thoughts from reminiscing the good aspects of your relationship, to the bad aspects. You will grieve harder if you keep replaying all the happy scenarios in your head and it will make your recovery quite slow. On the other hand, if you try and think of bad aspects of the relationship it can give you some momentary relief that it probably happened for the best and that the future will be a better one, and eventually you should be able to forgive and let go of this chapter in your life and go ahead where you’re meant to.
- Give yourself a makeover – It has been proven that getting dressed up, or putting effort into making yourself look better, can make you feel better as well, as the very well-known saying goes – “ Look Good , Feel Good”. Try and dress up well in the mornings, or go for a spa outing and get yourself pampered, or get a haircut, or color your hair, or any sort of experiment in your looks you’ve always wanted to do. GO DO IT! Of course you won’t magically heal immediately after you’ve colored your hair or put on some lipstick. But it will make you feel good for some moments, and even though the moments may be brief, they’re still worth it.
- Develop a new Hobby – An Idle mind is a devil’s workshop they say, and it is very obvious that your breakup and the thoughts of it will haunt you when your mind is not occupied with anything else. So, as difficult as it may seem, it is important that you cultivate a new hobby or make time to do something you love. It could be painting, taking dance lessons, joining Zumba, and joining the gym or whatsoever. Do something new!
- Have a support system – Bond with your parents, siblings or close friends, whom you perhaps may have sidelined in your otherwise busy life. It’s time to reconnect some lost connections and get back in touch with old friends. If you already are surrounded with a good bunch of people, then hold on to them tight. Do not stay aloof. You’re better off with people around you, than being alone in vulnerable times such as these. But please make sure it is people who support and help you heal, and not the kind who do not resonate with your pain.
- Take a Trip – What better way to overcome life’s miseries than taking a trip? Travelling can broaden our perspective of the world, and make a shift in our perception of things around us. Surrounding oneself with natural scenic beauty can have an almost medicinal effect on our wellbeing. I urge you to take a trip, visit a new place you haven’t been to. Planning that trip will probably bring you some new excitement in your life and also it will keep you busy.
So these were a few things you can do to fasten your healing, or reduce your grief to a certain extent. The bottom line is, everything happens for a reason and you will look back at it one day and smile upon it, because as long as you are alive, there is always hope for a better future! No doubt about it!
Much love to you!